Setting Sound Boundaries Part I: Knowing Your Limits
Setting Sound Boundaries with Misophonia Part I: Knowing Your Limits
“No, I can’t make it to your party/concert/wedding/baby shower/graduation/game night/whatever."
“My decision not to attend is not a reflection towards how I regard you as a friend; I’m not personally avoiding you."
“I have misophonia, and I need to spend that time taking care of myself so I will have the energy to be my best self when I do spend time with you.”
This is an example of what I would say, if it was that easy. Instead, I default to a dangerous response:
“Sure!”
And at the end of a week full of social activities, I find myself exhausted and irritable, and my misophonia response is more extreme.
To a neurotypical extrovert, these social outings would be a way to recharge after a long work day. But to someone with misophonia, a movie night or dinner party may involve exposure to activators, and so their mental work of coping continues.
A full schedule with no time to recharge from these activators can be stressful, making misophonia reactions more intense and compounding the problem. So, as a social misophone, how do we set boundaries while still able to enjoy some of the fun social things?
“Before you know what boundaries you need to set, you need to know your limits.”
The happy misophonia social medium involves many variables, including your health, your home life, your work life, and your social battery. Discovering how much recovery time you need requires trial and error and, above all, honesty.
Your worth is not determined by your number of extracurricular activities; take as much self-care time as you may need!
Doing so may cause some judgment from others.
In high school, when my older coworkers asked what I did over the weekend and I answered with a satisfied “nothing,”
I’d receive some mean looks. So, I joined six clubs and stayed busy till I hit burnout—hard.
But there is no—or there shouldn’t be—shame in doing nothing! Doing nothing is, in a roundabout way, still doing something: taking care of yourself and protecting your serenity. You don’t need to already have other plans to say no to something. Sure, the excuse helps, but all you really need is to know how much socializing you want to fit in your week.
Are you content with church once a week? DnD every two weeks? Theatre every evening? Book club once a month? Just Christmas? Experiment. Find what works for you to be content socially.
And whenever you need it, I give you permission to do absolutely nothing.