“Triggers” use up your Spoons
Misophonia and Spoon Theory
"Dealing with misophonia is exhausting, and we may need more “me time” than most to recover from the noises and other stressors of our lives."
When I recently spent the day with my cousin, she offhandedly mentioned something about not having enough spoons.
“Spoons?” I asked, perplexed—our conversation hadn’t been on a culinary subject.
My cousin has dealt with chronic back pain and illness for most of her life, and the need to stay in bed frequently keeps her from family gatherings. And now, she has two kids. So, as she would patiently explain to me, she found it easiest to conceptualize her energy as silverware—what I would come to learn is known as “The Spoon Theory.”
She told me a personalized version of Christine Miserandino’s method of explaining what it’s like to live with lupus or other debilitating illnesses.
Basically, my cousin had a certain number of spoons each day. Everything she did, from getting out of bed to homeschooling her kids, used up a number of those spoons, depending on how much energy the task took.
If she ran out of spoons by making herself do too many things, she could use a fork. But, forks aren’t as effective, and she could still only wash so many each day. If she ran out of forks, she’d have to use knives, a resort that could take days of rest to recover from.
So, she has to be mindful not to use too many spoons each day—not to commit herself to too many responsibilities so that she doesn’t exhaust herself.
And while having misophonia is definitely different than having a physical disability, I’d argue that we can still benefit from thinking about our days in the Spoon Theory way.
Maybe getting out of bed doesn’t take many or any spoons. But getting through a misophonia activation at breakfast would. And maybe there’s another in class, or in a meeting, or during your commute.
At the end of a long, difficult day managing misophonia at work or school, would you still have enough spoons to go out with loved ones?
Or, if you’re not there already, would doing so force you to use forks or knives, making you anxious and in need of self-regulation time?
Dealing with misophonia is exhausting, and we may need more “me time” than most to recover from the noises and other stressors of our lives.
So, I’d say: under-commit, over-deliver, and make the most of your spoons while still making sure to do what you need to do to wash them at the end of the day.